Emo

I feel like life comes in little spurts of crazy. As a result, I've lost grip of just how stressed out I am, I seem to have two states of being:

Mellow: It's all gravy, it'll all work out, I'm happy, my life is moving forward, I will soon have the chance to pursue all my dreams, I have such a strong network of friends, I have a happy and healthy relationship, I just cooked some delicious chili.

Crazy: Holy shit, I'm graduating and have no idea what I'm doing with my life, my parents live in Sweden and never reply to my emails, I'm going to end up homeless with a piece of paper from U of M that says I know something, all my friends are moving and I probably will be as well, my personal spiritual practice is in shambles, I don't have enough hours in the day.

Most importantly, I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall repeatedly whenever I try to get schoolwork done. My therapist calls this 'burnout,' aka 'senioritis.'

Right now, I'm writing in my blog instead of working on Greek and Psych. And I spent all day working (unsuccessfully) on my Curriculum Vitae and Statement of Purpose, to avoid Greek and Psych.

I am living in a paradox of happy and calm and crazed and stressed and a whirlwind of changes... Is this how everybody feels when they realize that they're going to graduate soon?



PS I failed to mention that TFA rejected me. I don't really want to talk about it. Jerks.

Happiness is...

- a funny way of walking
- strawberry milkshakes
- shrieking as Dog jumps into bed at entirely the wrong moment
- checking the mailbox obsessively
- a hearty breakfast
- clean laundry
- all the stresses turning out okay
- eager anticipation of another 7am wakeup call
- Trillobytes!
- good health

"And you know for a million years, he has been your lover,"

I went to bed with a smile on my lips last night, for.. well, for a particular reason, but one I'm not quite ready to blog about.

I dreamed all night of goat hooved pan, and woke up with his woody scent on my pillows again. I cast aside my original morning plans, and spent two hours alternating between dancing, meditating, and writing poetry.

Today will be a good day, I think.