Consent

Yes:
Sober
Awake
Stated

No:
Inebriated
Sleeping
Assumed



... And several months of letters do NOT make for consent. The makings for a healthy sexual relationship do not start with one intoxicated partner, and one sober... I thought I was watching my glass, and only had two glasses, until I noticed him refilling it. I thought I was safe, in my house and room, with my trusted friend. I still can't sleep well, even after a month, I keep having nightmares of waking up again, on the brink of orgasm from stimulation, angry and violated.

The plan of action:
1) Therapist enlisted
2) Embracing of term and survivor mantle, AGAIN, done
3) Involve spiritual work in new healing
Next, I reach out to friends, talk to my mom, incorporate this into my Oct lecture, and maybe this time I can be strong enough to tell him that was not okay...

... Although I'm also burned that when I did say No to him, he called me "full of poison, a stupid scared little girl," among other things.



I am also heartily happy to have S, my mentors, a patient and sensitive lover, and friends and community. This won't be so bad, with time.

Sex is complicated

So is cognitive psychology.

Hello hello

While walking out of my Women's Studies class:
A: Classmate in another class with about 20 people in it that lasts 3 hours.
J: Classmate from last year that I can never remember.

Me: Hi, I'm Irisi, good to meet you!
A: We had class together yesterday.
J: She's terrible at remembering people.
Me: Yes, I am.
J: Just yesterday, she completely forgot who I was.
Me: Yes, I did. And so he beat me.
J: Mercilessly. With a paddle.
Me: Oooo! I mean.. Wait, do I know you?

Monogamy

The practice of having sex with only one partner.
www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/sexual-health-glossary

A closed two person hetro relationship, may be the result of an informed mutual agreement or from not understanding that there are viable options.
www.familysynergy.org/art-poly.html

Definition: A private sexual relationship stuck between two individuals.
www.sextermsdictionary.com/m-sexual-terms-and-definitions.htm

The mating of one person with another individual with neither engaging in sexual activity with anyone else.
www.sexualcounselling.com/Glossary/Glossarym.htm



... The question is, what exactly does it mean to me? More importantly, does it matter to me? And how do I negotiate boundaries if I choose a lifestyle outside of this social norm?

The truth is, I don't think I like monogamy, or think that it's natural, or healthy sometimes. There's a difference between being scared of something, and simply disagreeing with something on principal. I'm scared of monogamy because I don't think I'll be happy with it.

My first try at a triad relationship several years ago was a terrible mistake. I'm scared that my opinions and lifestyle will ultimately lead to the fall of a relationship I want so badly to make work.

Layout

I'm stealing lea's template, but I'm tired of having the emo kid blog and this is the only other decent template to use... Sorry! ;)

I love my dad, I really do... arg

[on fertility]
Dad: How old are you now?
Me: 22.
Dad: You have eight more years.
Me: What?
Dad: Until your fertility and egg quality declines, and you have a higher risk of having a child with a disability. Like your brother.
Me: ... Thanks, dad.

[on men]
Me: Good news dad, I have a boyfriend.
Dad: Does he have a PhD?
Me: No.
Dad: Dump him.

[on my desired career path]
Dad: What? Why do you want to study queers? Are you a queer? Do you like bondage?
Me: What? No! No I only like vanilla sex with men!

[more on my career path]
Dad: You should learn how to fix queers, if you want to study sex.
Me: Dad, I'll forgive you for that insensitive comment, because you are a product of your environment and the prevailing cultural attitudes.

[on weight gain]
Me: I think I'm getting fat. Dad, am I fat?
Dad: Yes.




.... I do love my father, I really do, but sometimes I want to strangle him.

I see the light!

Finals are almost over!

THANK THE GODS!