Class today

I am having a terrible day. There are several things that feed into this, a combination of the general bad mood that has haunted me for the past week, old memories coming back over the weekend, general stupidity on my part, and confusion over the state of a valued friendship. So yes, today mostly sucked.

It was tobacco policy day in my outreach class, and ironically, all I wanted to do all day was smoke cigarettes. I always think my level of sober nicotine intake is highly linked to how moody I am, and days like today, I just want to sit, drink coffee, and chain smoke while wallowing. Anyways. That's where I am.

In class I was desperately trying to follow my planned outline, but kept losing track of things. I was visibly flustered, and I knew my students knew. So I apologized, saying I felt "scatterbrained" and that I was a little stressed. They all understood, and compliments of our rappor built steadily over the semester, the period went smooth enough.

After class, a student stayed behind to talk to me about some issues for next semester. We finished talking, and he asked "How are you?" in that serious caring voice, the kind that carries the undertone of "are you okay?" I gaped for a second- I honestly was so struck by this pointed question that I was about ready to fall over and start crying. I confessed a stressful semester, but said I was overall fine. He offered to be a sounding board, a very gracious offer that I politely declined for obvious reasons.

But that was a very touching moment, that expression of caring. I appreciated it.